Down in the dumps

I’m feeling very depressed.

There are two reasons for this –why do troubles never come singly? I could cope with one, I think, but two together are a bit much to take. So first: I stood for the LibDems in a local Council bye-election. I polled all of 210 votes, as opposed to 584 for the LibDem candidate last May. But this wasn’t low turnout: the winning Conservative candidate scored only 15% less than the previous (winning) Conservative vote, and the Labour candidate dropped only 7.3% of her previous vote: mine, on the same terms, dropped by 61%. Now I know Sir Menzies Campbell hasn’t exactly set the country alight with his charisma, but then he was already leader last May, so that can’t be it. I do get a sense that up here in Newcastle, Geordies do like their own, and a Southern, educated woman simply isn’t what they want in a Councillor. But whatever the reason, it hasn’t taken me long to decide not to dabble any more in local politics: I really don’t think I fit in at all.

And that in itself is depressing. I feel I’ve been judged, not on what and who I am, but on the kind of factors that if they were colour and gender would be illegal. But whilst you can’t discriminate against someone because they’re Asian, you can because they’re Southern – and they do. I don’t think anyone has considered my attitudes to life in general and the kind of issues that are relevant in local politics in particular, and decided that this isn’t what they want – or maybe they have: what they prefer is someone with the more typical Northern working class rooted background who will empathise with them – which I freely admit I won’t – and go for values I simply don’t hold. Even the local LibDems go in for a bit of nepotism: the candidate I replaced (because he didn’t really want to stand) was the son of my agent, whose wife is a LibDem Councillor: and of the seven LibDems on the Council no fewer than four are from the same family (two brothers, the wife of one of them and another close relation, I’m not quite sure what). So one begins to wonder what this is all about, and if it really makes much difference anyway: the one big difference it does make is in the size of the Council Tax, which is big enough up here anyway and likely to go up and up if the current spending plans are anything to go by. Well, I tried: and when you set yourself up and stand, you have to be prepared to be crushed. I just wish it hadn’t been by quite as much.

And there’s a Green factor here. Green is fashionable in politics nowadays: but in practice there’s relatively little sign of it other than the Council recycling which is fair – nowhere for your Yellow Pages, mind, but they do take pretty well everything else. But trying to improve public transport and discourage the use of cars? I see no signs. Saving water? Avoiding artificial fertiliser? Promoting insulation? I’ve seen nothing of these since I’ve been here, apart from a leaflet telling me that if I was poor enough not to be able to afford central heating I could get a grant towards more insulation, and why didn’t I insulate the cavity walls which my house doesn’t have! As a LibDem I could have pushed for Green issues going on the agenda: I doubt the Tory lady will.

And that leads me to a final thought. All three candidates, this time, were women: last time the LibDem was the only man. Could this have helped his vote – are there men who simply won’t vote for a woman councillor, whose prejudices come out in the secrecy of the ballot box? It’s possible: in one ward here, the BNP beat the Tories last time round. That’s disturbing. Do I want to go on living here – that’s the question that is now emerging. A big reason for my depression is that I feel a lack of friends. I have a lot of Quaker friends, of course, and a few still ex colleagues in the OU: but outside those two areas there are only a tiny handful. Finding anyone to go on holiday with has been impossible: I think I’ll have to try the Singles holidays, educational/cultural trips, that sort of thing, where one just might meet someone interesting. Or maybe advertise in The Guardian? And most of the adverts there are from people in the South: perhaps after my divorce, once I’ve got whatever I’m going to get from my ex marital home (precious little if my former spouse has their way) it will indeed be time to move South.

The second factor is that I had in my post today a notice that the court action to settle my dispute with HM Government won’t be until December 15th. This is seriously annoying. I’ve been thinking of investing in a Holiday Club, which gives you cheap holidays outside school holidays by bulk buying unused hotel rooms and flight seats: but I can’t take on the commitment without actually knowing what I’ll eventually get. And apart from that, I’ve now got somehow to find the money to pay the divorce lawyers and I really don’t know where that will come from. I’d been relying on that Government money. (If I’m a bit obscure as to what this is about, it’s a long and complicated story, but maybe I’ll tell it one day!) And meanwhile I’m living on a reduced income, which I’d expected up till about May or June but definitely not into December. I’ve been trying to be patient but it’s been increasingly difficult over the past few months: and now I have to be patient almost three months more, because the December date is the first that the Court and my barrister both have free together. This really is something of an Annus Horribilis for me: I can only just try to keep going and hope it all works out OK in the end.