Free, single and looking!

At last: yesterday, I got divorced. Well, to be technically accurate, after two hours hard negotiating and some imaginative thinking by our lawyers, my ex and I came to an agreed court order for the settlement of our joint finances, and I was given leave to apply for my decree absolute which will be issued by post some time in the next week.

We were in court in Doncaster, because my ex lives in Cambridge and the judge in Tunbridge Wells, where it all started in 1990, had said that it would be fairest to move it there because this was mid way between Cambridge and Newcastle. And it wasn’t the greenest of travel: I had driven down to a friend’s who lives in a village nestling in what is now the fork of the A1M and the M1: driven because she lives a way from the nearest station and also because I wanted to travel with a choice of smart clothes depending on the weather. Just as well: the dawn broke on mist and drizzle, definitely trouser weather! However, a short drive to the station and a train to Selby with a connection to Doncaster was the plan, except the train to Selby didn’t arrive and when I rang to enquire, they said it was running 13 minutes late and they couldn’t guarantee the connection. As the next train from Selby to Doncaster was two hours later, I took the only option guaranteed to get me to court on time: I drove. It’s not all that far, only about 25 miles, but it wasn’t the best way to start the day.

However, I give all credit to the lawyers: I think that they found for us the fairest possible settlement. Once our ex marital home is sold, I will have a little capital, enough to enhance my income a bit and enough to make me feel financially secure. And I am utterly delighted that we managed to reach an agreement and not have a settlement imposed by a judge: I feel it leaves the way open for reconciliation and friendship and mutual support in a way that a battle would not have done. I wanted to go and give the ex a hug and indeed my lawyer suggested to the other side that we might just have a few moments to celebrate agreeing: but the other side didn’t feel able to do that. Such a pity: it would have been cathartic for both of us, but then they never were aware of things like that.

So now the long trick’s over, and I can get on with the rest of my life. Free now: on Monday week I should also become solvent again! This is when my pursuit of the Dept. of Work and Pensions comes to its climax, and I argue that I should be able to take my pension under the deferral rules and so get a higher weekly amount rather than a lot of back pay. As everyone else is offered a choice here and the options are regarded as equivalent, I really cannot understand why they have resisted in my case, and as far as I can see they don’t have a leg to stand on and it’s a waste of taxpayer’s money their holding out. But there you go: watch this space! I’ll post what happens in due course.